


Hello, Welcome Home

by Thefrostyxx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Also I hinted many ships go find what they are, Light Angst, M/M, Past Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Trust me I love Kagehina too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22667413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thefrostyxx/pseuds/Thefrostyxx
Summary: Hinata flew too far from home, that he thought he had lost it forever.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 61
Kudos: 329





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Aka, if you can get past the KageHina angst, you’ll be rewarded with AtsuHina. Enjoy the ride <3

Hinata used to have suffered from bad homesickness. 

It happened frequently enough, that he comes to learn that to let go of the tight, painful feeling that clutches his chest is to breathe deeply, voicing it through his diaphragm. The next (optional) step is to get the hell up and be active so that he can channel his excess energy into creating endorphins.

It happened frequently enough because for the first time in his entire life, he was completely all alone and had a hard time making any friends. His roommate did not talk to him, he couldn’t speak with anyone on the beach, and the only time he talked to people is when he appeared in someone’s front door, mentioning their name and their address to cross-check only to got paid and got dismissed without so much “have a nice day” (well, he got that a few times, but it’s quite rare and his bad Portuguese was not helping at all with his attempt to make friends).

It happened frequently enough that Hinata changed his phone wallpaper into a picture of his team (yes, even with Tsukishima on it), hanged his old Karasuno jacket in his room as a reminder of his fulfilled high school life, and put the volleyball that was a gift from his Kouhais on his bed instead of using it to practice.

But he never called them. Texting Yamaguchi or Kenma, occasionally, but never calling. Because he knew he would get worse if he heard the voice of someone he knew in high school, the voices that he missed terribly.

Much less Kageyama.

The dumbass never said that he’d be in touch, and Hinata had tried to initiate conversation the first few weeks he got in Brazil. It took the asshole hours to reply to a message, and after a while, even days, if he was not being ignored at all. 

Hinata tried to understand that Kageyama is busy, that the 12 hours time difference is such a bitch, that Kageyama was apparently now in a program to enter some Japan’s V-league club. Kageyama is doing his best to thrive in Volleyball, just like Hinata did (though differently). Kageyama is doing exactly what makes Hinata love him in the first place. So Hinata tried to understand. He tried to be supportive in silence. 

But the growing silence between them, the short replies, the ignored message, are mocking him in his loneliness and insecurity.

It whispered bad thoughts in the silence of his loneliest night after a long, bad day. And becoming the capital words in the loud scream of homesickness. One night, it decided to play a cruel trick by giving him a dream of their first quick and their epic sets throughout their matches together. The images were so vivid in his mind, that Hinata was convinced that he had somehow undone his impulse-driven decision to go to Brazil and went back to the happier time, only to be woken up broken-hearted for dreams were all that’s left from his past. 

That night, Hinata had his first panic attack. 

That night, he almost breaks his bank to buy a ticket home. 

But Hinata loves volleyball. He always had, even before he loved Kageyama. So he curled up in his bed and preserved.

Things got better over time; he joined local indoor volleyball, played beach volleyball and befriended a fellow player, talked to his roommates, and grew to love his job and his coworkers. But nights had never gotten any easier. Not with the image of his younger days, the image of his first love haunted him in a sad excuse he called sleep. 

-

Years had passed. Years and years under the tropical sun of Rio de Janeiro, perfecting his volleyball (while getting over Kageyama and his agonizing silence), had _finally_ passed. Hinata felt content with his perseverance, felt happy with his progress and proud of what he learned. He’s now ready to go home, back to his family, to his friends, to the places where his happiest memories were made. Hinata was giddy in his long flight back, bouncy in his seat when he watched from the plane seat in front of him that the plane is closing into Tokyo. 

Closing into _home_.

In Tokyo, he found Kenma, thanked him for everything, hugged the internet celebrity, asked for autographs for Pedro, handed over _Christ the Redeemer_ , catching up in the long hours after dinner before they both fell asleep. 

Where again, Hinata found Kageyama in his Karasuno jersey, cause Hinata almost never saw Kageyama in another outfit anyway.

The next day, although he’s still jetlagged, Hinata forced himself to go back to Miyagi. Yamaguchi, free from classes since the semester is over, offered to go with him. He really didn’t have to, especially since Yachi is still in Tokyo. But his doting nature probably didn’t wear off even after he stepped down as Karasuno’s captain, or maybe he’s just being a good friend (cause duh, it’s Yamaguchi, _not_ Tsukishima). Either way, Hinata was welcoming his offer, saying yes without so much thinking.

So Hinata thanked Kenma the last time and hopped on to the three hours Shinkansen back to Miyagi. He handed over souvenirs from Rio for Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, and asked about their friends; about Tsukishima and his snarky ass, about Ennoshita-san who did not pursue photography after all, about Daichi-san who’s guaranteed to make Miyagi a little bit safer cause no criminal would be crazy enough to make that policeman angry, about Tanaka-san who married his high school sweetheart (inspiring, and Hinata instantly think about _his_ high school sweetheart).

Yamaguchi did not talk about Kageyama, because out of nowhere, driven by nostalgia from their conversation and seeing Miyagi outside of the Shinkansen window, Hinata announced that he would call Kageyama. Hinata forgot his years and years of pathetic efforts to get over Kageyama. He forgot the pain, forgot the short replies and ignored messages and his attempt to get over the black-haired boy. He wanted to catch up with Kageyama, he wanted to hand over souvenir (well, Hinata did not buy any for him out of grudges, but he thought he could give Kageyama _Christ the Redeemer_ that he planned to give to Takeda-sensei).

This time, he did not have to wait for hours to get a reply.

_Yeah, let’s meet again in Karasuno._

Hinata is home. And he is welcomed. 

-

Or, so he thought. 

Because he had waited the entire afternoon, and Kageyama did not come. One hour passed, two hours, and before he knew it, the sun almost set and the current Karasuno team came to the gym from their run. They looked at him, probably being weirded out of the presence of a strange man. But Takeda-sensei was among them, and he greeted Hinata. They’re catching up, asking polite questions to each other.

And then _the_ question was asked.

“Have you met Kageyama?”

Because of course, who wouldn’t think of _Bakageyama_ when they see Hinata? They’re the _freak duo_ after all.

Hinata shrugged it off, laughing. The answer is out of his mouth before he could think about it. “He’s a setter in a Japanese top team. We have no time to catch up.”

It might be that same cruel voice in his mind, or Hinata just knew that Kageyama does not come late. At least, the old Kageyama wouldn’t. He would be there before Hinata does just to prove to him that he’s better. Kageyama would be on time, or he wouldn’t come at all.

He’s not on time. So he won’t come at all.

Takeda-sensei dismissed that, and he excused himself to continue to watch the team practising. Hinata watched on the sideline, listening to the sound of shoes against the gym floor, the ball being hit, bouncing, the volleyball terms being called out to each other. Everything seems so familiar, so close, and yet so far away and so foreign. Like a dejavu that he couldn’t quite place. 

Hinata is in Miyagi. In Karasuno’s gym. He is _home_. He shouldn’t feel the same homesickness that hits him in the cold night after a long, insufferable day back in Rio. He shouldn’t feel lost. He shouldn’t feel like he wants to clutch his own chest while curling himself in a fetal position, cause he’s already home. 

Hinata could feel his breathing heavy in his chest, so he took his leave, saying goodbye and good luck to his kouhais, and hand over _Christ the Redeemer_ miniature to Takeda-sensei. 

He’s home, but now that the joy of having himself back in his hometown faded away, Hinata could see clearly that he’s also… not home. 

This is not _his_ Miyagi.

The feeling of loneliness crept back into his chest as he walked around his now-changing hometown. Summer used to be so bright, and lovely, with soft breeze playing with your hair and making you want to run catching the sunset. But instead, Hinata was hit with a cold breeze that reminded him of his bad nights in Rio. And it reminded him that things have changed here in Miyagi when he left. He’s reminded of Natsu, after years having to depend on herself, now managed to reach the zip on the back of her dress without having to call for his help anymore. The paint in a few parts of the city faded away, some changed colour that it looked misplaced. The milk brand that Kageyama used to buy in the school’s vending machine is no more, replaced by another brand. He’s reminded that there will be no tall, blond, and snarky bastard who would appear from somewhere and _tch-_ ed at his mere presence. He’s reminded that there’s no Kageyama on his side.

He’s in Karasuno with no Kageyama.

And then he felt it again; the punch in his chest that left a huge hole he thought was fixed. Hinata ran to his bike (a new one, which he got as a welcoming gift from his Dad cause he had outgrown his old bike). And he pedals, away from Karasuno, from the ghosts of his past. He couldn’t stand watching the place where his first love bloom, now looks empty and strange. The city is void of the people he used to know, everyone is now scattered away. His hand is now empty. No Kageyama’s long, calloused fingers filling the gap. His head is exploding with sweet memories that feel so real, but so hollow with how untouchable they are.

He’s here, he’s back, but he’s not quite home. This place felt like a bad replica of what he used to call home. Everything looks familiar, yet they felt very foreign.

-

Leaving Miyagi and back to Tokyo seems like a reasonable idea.

Especially since Tokyo has Black Jackals and their tryout invitation, and Black Jackals has Bokuto Koutarou. Hinata would go by the mention of the name alone, mostly because any team with Bokuto in it is bound to be one of the strongest teams, and partly because with Bokuto, volleyball can feel like _volleyball_ (without being mudded by Kageyama’s presence. Hinata remembers Third Gym in Saitama. Only Bokuto, Akaashi, Lev, Kuroo, and the very reluctant Tsukishima _without_ Kageyama. Hinata loves Volleyball too much to give it up to a broken heart. He always reminds himself that he loves Volleyball first before he loves Kageyama).

So Hinata travels to Tokyo by night bus, after deciding that Shinkansen is too damn expensive and he needed all his money to survive in Tokyo. He needed it for paying rent to stay if he’s joining the team (which he was 99% sure he would). And if not… Well, he needs his money to stay and eat while he figures things out in Tokyo, which is known as a very expensive city. Of course, Kenma offers one of his… _game room_ for Hinata to stay. But Hinata had decided to stop relying on Kenma, or Akaashi-san, who offered his room in his shared apartment with Bokuto cause he worked long hours, he barely used it anyway (because of _work_ , it is heavily implied. But later today when Hinata agreed to spend the night _only_ until the tryout is over, he accidentally saw Bokuto-san absent-mindedly kiss Akaashi-san when they bumped into each other on the way to the kitchen. So yeah).

Hinata attended the tryout and was greeted with a blond-haired man that looked familiar. He gave Hinata a once-over, and then let out a smirk before greeting him. “Hello, chibi, glad to see you again.” 

Hinata raised his eyebrows as the voice completed his memory. It’s one of the Miya twins. Sumu… Samu… Hinata forgot which is which, so he only smiled wide and replied his greeting. “Miya-san! Good to see you!” 

Miya-guy's smile widens, there’s a spark in his eyes that looks suspiciously cunning when he talks again. “Oh, no need to be so formal with me, Shouyou. We’re old friends, after all,” he said. “Just my first name is fine!” 

The redhead almost got choked by his suggestion. Now, he’s so freaking doomed. He really forgot which of the twins is it. Hinata glanced around, secretly praying that Bokuto-san is around to help him figure out. But there’s no Bokuto-san. Only the Miya guy whose smile grows wider, and the black-haired man with a surgical mask who looks like he’s tired of the Miya guy’s antics and wanted nothing more than to throw the ball to his head. 

“Well? What do you say, Shou-chan?” the Miya guy challenged, and with the way he smiles, with the way his eyes stared at him, Hinata felt like he was under Kuroo Tetsurou’s taunting and what the freaking hell did Hinata do to deserve this because he doesn’t want to be in this situation. 

“Of course I remember!” he spat out, too fast to be believable. But he hoped that it would buy some time while his gears grind. Samu or Tsumu? Which one is it?

And with that, the guy bursts out laughing, clearly amused with himself. “And here I thought I made a darn good impression with my skill,” he chuckled. “How about a little toss to help you remember?” 

And that was just about all the warning Hinata gets before Miya tossed the ball, quickly, in a way that would be difficult to spike. But Hinata had spent three years spiking a certain man’s quick toss, trained for years under Rio’s tropical sun, and was craving for this kind of quick and precise toss so badly, that he jumped into it, spiked it, and felt himself landing on the ground a few milliseconds longer than he used to. 

Just like old times, he felt as if he just grew wings for a very short moment while he’s in the air.

Hinata blinked once, twice. His heart was pounding fast, his blood pumped faster, and in confusion, Hinata turned his head to smile at a dark-haired man with blue eyes that he terribly missed.

But instead, his eyes met a blond-haired man with the black undercut, and a pair of large, hooded brown eyes that belonged to Miya Atsumu.

“Welcome back, Shouyou,” he said, very confident that Hinata would make it into the team though he’s not the one that makes the call.

The redhead smiles anyway, wearing the tremendous joy that erupts within him on his face.

-

Miya Atsumu’s presence patched the huge holes in Hinata’s life and memories left by Kageyama so effortlessly, it was as if he was there all this time instead of Kageyama. 

Of course, it started with him being a setter that is equally compatible with Hinata the way he did with Kageyama. Though, they’re both very different. Kageyama made Hinata feel invincible, but Atsumu made Hinata feel limitless, with him constantly challenging abilities and reflexes with his tosses. Unlike Kageyama, which is very methodical and quiet that Hinata did not know what to expect most of the time, Atsumu announced everything he wanted to try out in the open before he did it. Most of the time he delivers what he promises, but oftentimes he also missed (this usually followed by an annoyed hiss and Sakusa’s eye-rolls from afar, and sometimes even Bokuto’s laughter). 

And then they started spending time together. They stayed late for practice together, they went to have dinner together, and most often than not, they spent the nights together in Atsumu’s apartment since it’s closer than Bokuto’s apartment (Hinata had accepted Akaashi’s offer to stay with them permanently after all, after agreeing that he would also pay his share for the rent).

Sometime in his many nights spending the night in Atsumu’s place, Hinata had nightmares about lonely time in Rio. He’s shuffling about in his sleep until Atsumu hugged him from behind, spooning him and holding him and telling him “Hinata, you’re alright,” over and over and over again that Hinata finally believed him, had his breath regulated, and lulled back to sleep. 

Hinata did not know that he was crying until he had a hard time opening his eyes in the morning.

Atsumu was preparing breakfast when he finally took a shower. Onigiri, it seemed. Not as good as Osamu’s, in Hinata’s opinion. But to be fair, Atsumu never actually learned how to make one. He assumed that it’s just a twin connection, or maybe Atsumu is just as talented as Osamu if only he put his thoughts enough to the food industry. Atsumu showed half a smile when he finally landed his eyes on Hinata.

“G’morning,” Hinata greeted him, voice breaking from sleep and probably from crying last night.

“Yo,” Atsumu replied, sounding as unsure as he looks. “Ready for practice?”

Hinata nodded, and then they headed out to the gym. The awkward silence between them was stretched all the way until they arrived, only being poked occasionally by empty small talks about the weather, about Akaashi’s text that reminds Hinata to have breakfast, about nothing at all.

When they finally entered the court, apparently the unsure-looking Atsumu decided that he couldn’t bear it anymore. “So, Shouyou, you had a good sleep last night?” he asked, his voice one pitched too high.

One second Atsumu smiled innocently (or attempted to), and the next, he looked horrified to no end that he glanced at Hinata. “Eh, I mean… after… you know… I mean, do you even remember? I mean, that’s good if you don't. You were… gah! Goddamn it. This is embarrassing.”

His expression was changing so rapidly in one mere minute. It looks comical, that Hinata chuckled. Atsumu glanced at him, back to looking unsure and guilty. 

“Atsumu-san you’re funny,” he said. The laughter died down when Hinata thought about Atsumu’s hand around his torso and his chest against his back, feeling thankful that Atsumu and his warmth was there. “And about last night, yes, I remember. And I am thankful that you’re there. I usually have a hard time going back to sleep after being shaken to consciousness after that kind of nightmare. But you’re warm and safe like...”

 _Like Kageyama used to_ , Hinata would say. But he swallowed the word, his mind worked one second faster than his mouth. But he must have been very obvious because he saw Atsumu’s shoulders dropped a few millimetres and continued for him.

“Like Tobio?”

“Like he used to,” Hinata corrected. 

A silence was stretched between them before Hinata sighed and told Atsumu the story that he kept from everyone else. The story about loneliness, panic attacks, insecurity, and his distance with Kageyama that he was once loved as much as he loves Volleyball. The stories that hid even from the likes of Kenma and Yamaguchi. The story that was repeated in a faint echo that reminded them how empty the gym is. How empty Hinata’s world is.

The entire time, Atsumu waited and listened, and though Hinata could see that the older man wanted to cut his stories at some parts, he remained silent until Hinata finished his story with tears. Again. Hinata did not know when he started crying, but apparently, he did. 

He could hear himself sobbing a little, before biting his tongue to keep quiet. The silence stretched for one full minute between them before Atsumu walked closer and without as much as saying anything, he gathered Hinata in his arms, hugging him tightly. There was no longer uncertainty in his eyes, in his touch. Hinata could feel Atsumu’s heart pounding in his ear when Atsumu finally spoke. 

“Ye’r not alone anymore, Shouyou,” he said. “I’m with you now, will be with you as long as you want. ‘M not gonna let you feel lonely again in your own home, you hear that?”

Hinata nodded, and then the blond-haired man let go of his hold to search something in his face. He might not find what he’s looking for, cause Atsumu scowled. He took a deep breath and smiled. Not the lazy smirk, or the cunning smile that he usually lets out in public. But a smile that warms Hinata’s heart just like the way he holds him last night. Atsumu then grabbed a volleyball.

“Hey, remember what I said in our first Spring High?” he asked. 

Hinata tried to. He dug the memory of his high school years, and when Atsumu tossed the ball, he found it in the back of his mind. The younger Atsumu, tired from a game and frustrated from a lost game, pointed his finger at Hinata, saying “I’ll toss to ya one of these days.”

Hinata smiled, then jumped and hit the ball. He felt a pair of imaginary wings unfold on his back, letting him fly a second longer before he landed back on his feet. 

Atsumu let out his lazy smirk that radiates confidence. “I keep my promises,” he said. “So you don’t have to worry, Shouyou.”

-

Atsumu did not have to say it, because Hinata had known that he could trust Atsumu (though, Hinata imagined Osamu would beg to differ). He was oblivious to noticing things most of the time, but when it comes to Atsumu, he just knows. 

It was obvious before that declaration, with them sticking close together in nearly every moment. But now, Atsumu was making it very loud and clear. He started calling Hinata with possessive pronouns every time. _My_ spiker. That’s _my_ dude. Good morning, _my_ literal sunshine. And one evening, when Bokuto came with his phone near his face and told Hinata that “Akaashi wants to know if you’re gonna join us for dinner tonight”, Atsumu quickly spat out a reply.

“No, he’s _mine_ tonight.”

To which Bokuto whined, “dude, he’s been _yours_ for many nights, now. Share!”

And Sakusa retorted from behind his surgical mask, “let Hinata speak for himself, will you?” 

Atsumu turned his face to Hinata, allowing him to speak for himself. The redhead stared at him, smiling, “yeah, we already have a plan to try the new Rio Barbecue Grill just around the corner.”

To which Bokuto groaned. “That’s not fair! You gotta share Hinata, Tsumu!”

And Sakusa, after rolling his eyes to see Atsumu made faces to him, said. “It’s almost like you’re two are dating.”

“Oh, we are, aren’t we, Shouyou?” Atsumu said. “We’re boyfriends, right?”

Hinata’s heart fell to his knees, though his knees are on the floor. He stared at Atsumu, who gave a confident smile like he was gonna give the best toss to him. Because he had been thinking about Atsumu lately, about how fit he is into his life, about his hug and his declaration, about possessive pronouns, about how to ask Atsumu out without it being too awkward and not upsetting team dynamic if he was rejected.

He never thinks a lot, so he smiled and said, “yeah” with a smile so wide, he could feel it splits his face in half. 

Atsumu made a victorious expression, before making faces to Sakusa and dragged Hinata out of the gym. Then they went to have dinner at Rio Barbecue Grill. The room smells like Rio de Janeiro and the wind from the fan is giving Hinata chills, but with Atsumu is smiling at him and their knees are brushing under the table and Atsumu tried to fit his face in his phone’s front camera to say “Hello, I’m Shouyou’s boyfriend” to Pedro which Hinata video-called out of impulse, Hinata felt very warm.

Hinata could think that maybe Atsumu was saying that to tease Sakusa. Maybe he was saying that to ditch Bokuto to selfishly own Hinata for himself that night. Maybe he has a habit of randomly calling people his boyfriend whenever he feels like it. But with Atsumu, Hinata would never have to think too much. Everything is always loud and clear. 

They were on their way back to Atsumu’s apartment when he stopped and asked Hinata if they can kiss now that they’re boyfriends. Hinata said yes. Though, he might be suck at it cause Kageyama never asked and Hinata always thought that a kiss is probably just as good as a perfect toss, so he never initiated it. Atsumu laughed, calling him a dork, before leaning in to kiss him. 

It was a peck the first time. They broke contact and when Hinata did not move, did not breathe, only inching a tiny bit closer to Atsumu, their lips were touching again. Hinata had no idea how long they stood there. His attention was solely on Atsumu’s kiss, which was soft, confident, and speaks to him in all the beautiful language. It was lovely, definitely better than a perfect toss. Not so much, though. Probably just one point better. 

Hinata only broke the kiss because apparently (sadly), he still needs air even when he’s kissing, so he took a breath and Atsumu let out a very smug smirk.

“So, which is better, a good toss, or a kiss?”

Hinata blushes, but shakes his head and laughs. Instead of giving an answer, he smiled a cheeky smile. “Let’s race to the house. Losers wash dishes for a week.”

And then he sets off running. 

They’re tied and were always tied in their races home after that. Though Atsumu has longer feet, and Hinata has better stamina, they were always tied. Atsumu accused Hinata for slowing down to protect his pride. Hinata accused Atsumu of not giving his all cause he’s smaller. Both accusations were false, and they both know. They just wanted to yell at each other before ending their argument with a kiss, or two, or more, and taking turns in washing dishes the day after. 

Hinata never thinks too much, but one night, after texting Akaashi that he wouldn’t be home again tonight, Hinata thinks about how he spent five nights a week in Atsumu’s apartment, how comfortable he is to have Atsumu’s Inarizaki blanket draped on both of their body (who the hell printed their high school mascot to a blanket, by the way? | shut up, Shouyou foxes are cute), Atsumu’s chest against his back, and his nose buried into Hinata’s coconut-smelling hair. Hinata thinks about cold nights in Rio that felt so distant, so unreal as though they were just his imaginations, and he thinks about how Atsumu managed to fill the gap in his chests as if they’re never there. He thinks about Atsumu’s smiles when Hinata caught up to his challenges, chased after his toss, and laughed to his stupid jokes. Hinata thinks of how all 187 centimetres of Atsumu fit perfectly against his body when they hug, when they cuddle.

Atsumu must have thought the same because, in a drowsy voice, he asked. “Sho, when will Akaashi and Bokuto renew their rent?”

Hinata did not know for sure. But “in three months, probably”.

“Hm.”

A silence, a breath on Hinata’s hair. 

“I heard Akaashi is getting a promotion in his job. An editor to a good selling manga, now?”

This time, it’s Hinata’s turn to “hm”.

“Bokuto also just sealed an advertisement contract to be a _Brand Ambassador_ for a Men’s hair product,” Atsumu continued.

“Yeah. So happy for him.”

“While I’m getting poorer here,” Atsumu sighed, almost dramatically. 

“You’re investing your money in Samu…”

“I could barely pay my rent.” 

Hinata smiled upon realizing where this is going. “Oh, that’s sad.”

“Shouyou, help me,” Atsumu said, kissing the back of Hinata's neck. “Move in with me.”

Hinata couldn’t suppress his giggles. He turned to face Atsumu, who is now grinning like a champ. Hinata kissed him once. He said okay. They sleep with their hands linked together, Atsumu’s long, calloused fingers filling the gap of his own.

Black Jackals is not Karasuno, and Tokyo is _definitely_ different from Miyagi. But here, Hinata felt like he’s back home.


	2. Kageyama's Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata left home to be better at volleyball, and Kageyama should be proud of that, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I've been thinking about this and decided to post this anyway. I just want to let you know that Kageyama never intends to hurt Hinata, because of the reason that will soon you read below.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who had left kudos and comment on the previous chapter and encouraging me to post this. You guys are the wonders of the world!

Hinata went to Rio to perfect his volleyball, or so Yamaguchi told Kageyama. 

It’s not that Kageyama had never heard that. For the past few weeks, Hinata had been telling (boasting) to everyone he came across about beach volleyball and Rio and how he would be a better volleyball player. Including to Kageyama.

Kageyama’s mistake was that he never asked where Rio is. He never asked how long Hinata would be there. He thought that maybe it’s just another summer camp that Hinata would attend, so he easily brushed it off.

It's been five weeks since Hinata went to Rio. Kageyama thought that it’s nice that Hinata takes so long to practice. It’s nice that Hinata is doing his best to be better at volleyball. That it is necessary, so that when they’re together again, Hinata would be stronger, would fly a little bit higher, would make him proud like that one time when they fought real bad after losing to Aoba Johsai and Hinata set off to practice on his own. 

In the sixth week, Kageyama learned that losing someone as bright as Hinata is not easy.

In the ninth week, Kageyama is lost. 

Hinata’s texts, full of exclamation points, started to hurt him because the Hinata voice that Kageyama heard in his mind when reading them, starting to fade. Like someone is turning down the volume and Kageyama had no idea how to turn it up again. Each day, Kageyama was getting more afraid that one day, he would wake up with Hinata’s voice being a mere echo in the chambers of his memory. The hours of gap between their texts were making Kageyama aware that keeping in touch is not the same as _touching_.

In the ninth week, Kageyama started to wonder where Rio is. Tsukishima said that it’s on the other side of the earth and there’s a 12 hours difference between them. Monday at 1 pm in Japan means it’s Sunday at 1 am in Rio. Kageyama did not know why Hinata thought it was necessary to move 12 hours to the past. How would it make him better in Volleyball? 

But Hinata was not here for Kageyama to put some senses on him. He was gone. 

In the tenth week, Kageyama thought about Hinata’s wide, bright smile when he said “see ya later”, and Kageyama hated the fact that he compared it to that one moment back in Kitagawa Daiichi when he got no one behind him, only a sound of the ball falling to the gym floor that symbolizes his fall.

Kageyama hated his mind for even correlating that nightmare with Hinata. He hated his mind for telling him that he was abandoned. _Again_. 

And this time, it’s worse. Because Hinata was not there to be his leverage. _Hinata_ , of all people, was making him feel this way. 

In the tenth week Kageyama realized that he missed Hinata so very terribly, but he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to reply to Hinata’s text, terrified of the pull that threatened to rip his hearts in two when he realized that the Hinata voice in his mind is one point quieter than it was yesterday. He wants to call Hinata but remembered that the redhead had admitted to him that phone calls make him feel homesick and make him want to give up. Kageyama does not want Hinata to quit trying to be better at Volleyball.

Kageyama missed him so badly, but he really doesn't know what to do with the distance stretched far and wide between them.

The black-haired man thought about asking Iwaizumi how he handled the Oikawa-going-to-Argentina situation. Do they still keep in touch with each other? Does he hate Oikawa? He would ask, but he couldn’t bear the thought of hearing the answer. He wouldn’t want to hear Iwaizumi hates Oikawa (that would be sad, cause Kageyama secretly roots for them), or that he still loves him (equally sad, cause then Iwaizumi feels what Kageyama feels and he doesn’t want to mop in front of Iwaizumi-san). Kageyama wanted to ask, but then it would be back to him having to nurse the pull in his chest that keeps him up at night every time he thinks about Hinata, not to mention that he did not know Iwaizumi that well. Kageyama secretly wished that it was Iwaizumi who was leaving for Argentina instead of Oikawa. Because he wouldn't hesitate to ask for Oikawa's advice. Not even if he has to bow to him.

Kageyama was lost, felt abandoned, and had zero clues on what to do, so he did the next best thing; building routine so that he has no room to wonder about what-ifs, or to feel hurt. He starts the day early, runs further kilometres, writes a longer journal, and practices a little harder. He talks to his new teammates about volleyball, trying to understand them, fitting himself in the new environment, being a good setter that could accommodate his team.

That’s how he did it last time. That’s how he found Karasuno. That’s how he found _Hinata_.

Days turned to weeks, and Kageyama had finally learned to trust his new teammates and gained their trust in return. He had learned how to toss to just about anyone, mastering techniques so that he could understand each person's preference about his toss. He still thinks about Hinata in the littlest moment, how he would run beside Kageyama for a race every morning, how he would ramble about things in between practice, how he would surprise Kageyama with something every now and then. He would think about Hinata upon learning his teammate’s shortcomings, thinking that “Hinata would have worked around that and be better anyway”.

Kageyama distracted himself from the pain through volleyball, and it worked, most of the time. It's just sad that he couldn’t play volleyball for 24 hours straight. 

Those times would be the hardest, so occasionally, Kageyama hung out with other Karasuno members, namely, Tsukishima. 

It's no secret that they can't stand each other, and Kageyama doesn't even like alcohol. He was barely in the legal age to drink anyway, but Kahlua and Milk are quite okay, and Tsukishima is the only other person that appreciates that drink as much as Kageyama does. Their mutual appreciation of Kahlua and Milk is apparently a good enough reason to bond them over, even years after their graduation and Tsukishima had put volleyball aside. 

Kageyama thinks that Tsukishima is wasting his talent by joining the second division. He should continue to pursue volleyball and aims for v-league.

He either said it out loud or Tsukishima is able to read minds when he’s drunk, cause the blond snorts. “And throw my life away as you and Hinata did? Yeah right,” he rolled his eyes.

Kageyama did not respond. He froze when he heard that name. The reason he hung out every month with Tsukishima is so that he can feel some sort of familiarity that he hoped can loosen up the pull in his chest that refused to go away. Because it worked for the past eleven months. 

Because though he had learned to live with the feeling, he still couldn’t deny that he still missed Hinata so very terribly.

Apparently, Kageyama said that out loud too, because Tsukishima sighed. “It’s 10 am there. You should call him.”

_And say what? How do I talk to him?_

Kageyama wants to ask, but chose not to. He did not want to deal with the thought of Hinata, and the way he travelled 12 hours to the past, a place where Kageyama couldn’t reach him. A place where Hinata, apparently, did not think fit for both of them.

Tsukishimz’s calculating eyes were fixed on him. He was then shrugged. “Whatever. Be miserable as much as you like,” he said before downing what remains in his glass. 

The blond never talked much, but Kageyama knew that Tsukishima always blamed him. Accusing him of causing suffering to himself (and according to Yamaguchi) to Hinata with his silence. But Kageyama did not care much about Tsukishima’s wordless accusations. Because Tsukishima does not know how much he loves Hinata. Tsukishima does not know how Kageyama’s heart stung when he accidentally sent a quick toss and not having Hinata around to spike it. Tsukishima does not hear the loud silence in Kageyama’s days, one that is usually filled with Hinata’s voice.

Tsukishima doesn't know that they don't drift apart because of his silence, because he doesn’t care about Hinata. If anything, the time difference should be the one to blame. The distance should be the one to blame. Because he loves Hinata. He really does. He just doesn’t know how a few characters or phone calls can make it work between two people. Nothing could flourish with such great distance. 

The black-haired man did not care of Tsukishima's accusations, but was hurt. So he even stopped hanging out with Tsukishima and retreated to himself deeper. He reminded himself that he still has Volleyball. He always has. It doesn’t leave him as Hinata does. He has his new teammates, they’re here, in flesh and bones, unlike Hinata who was merely a text at 12am where he was tired and ready to call it a day. 

Someone said to him that Kageyama is terrible with feelings. Kageyama wishes that was true, because if he is truly terrible with feelings, then he wouldn’t have hurt so much with Hinata’s leaving.

He thinks about it a lot until one day, he wakes up and decides that he’s gonna be terrible with feelings. Maybe the way Hinata’s voice faded in his mind wouldn’t hurt so much.

Kageyama Tobio will move on.

-

Or so he thought. 

Because all it takes was one Hinata’s text that announced that he’s back and that “we should meet in Karasuno!!!!!!”, exactly with that many exclamation marks.

Kageyama wants nothing more than to say yes, so he said yes. 

But Kageyama was reminded of the pull in his chest, which he had learned to ignore after practising to do so for years. He was reminded of the sound of ball bouncing in silence and the abandoned feeling, and Kahlua and Milk. He thinks about everything at once and out of habit, he shut his phone. He shut himself, practicing harder than usual, focusing his mind on his fingers, on his posture, on the ball that he sets. Just so he can stop himself from feeling.

When the sun had set, Kageyama finally stopped to check on his phone. Hinata did not text him, did not look for him. Kageyama desperately wanted to ask if the offer still stands, but he put his phone in his pocket and headed back to his apartment.

He did not want to meet Hinata, after all. Not unless it’s inevitable. He still doesn’t trust himself to not _feel_. 

Kageyama didn’t have to wait for long, because Hinata is joining Black Jackals and Kageyama is playing against him today. He thought that he might as well see Hinata and test if he had truly managed to build some sort of defence mechanism against him.

The black-haired man walked to the toilet, knowing by heart that before any game, that’s where Hinata would be. 

And then there he is. Ginger hair in a black jacket on the way to the toilet, singing a potty song. 

It’s Hinata Shouyou, but not his Hinata. The black jacket is decorated with gold instead of orange, his skin is darker, his build is more solid. Kageyama called out to him, and Hinata turned, smirking. And Kageyama was blinded again with his beauty.

But then Miya Atsumu appeared out of nowhere, calling Hinata “ _My_ Spiker”.

Then, Miya Atsumu is everywhere around Hinata.

They performed the quick; sun-kissed Hinata fly higher, move faster, and Kageyama thought of how exceptional Hinata is. He understands now why their old opponents are always so fascinated by him. Because Kageyama thought that for a while there, he saw Hinata has wings. Hinata was way, way more beautiful from this side of the court. Even the way he lands on the court looks graceful.

Atsumu then appeared beside Hinata, smiled a lazy smirk, high fiving Hinata, patting his back, all the while Hinata's eyes were gleaming “did you see that, Tsumu? Did you see? It was so cool! You were so cool! You're the best!”

It stung, cause Atsumu is handling Hinata's chattering better than Kageyama ever did.

The entire match, Kageyama felt like he was being robbed of his high school memories. The way Hinata and Atsumu coordinate with each other reminds him of his high school days, of his good old days with Hinata. Kageyama felt robbed because, with the way they interact, he almost thinks that his most beautiful memories were just his dreams after all. Seeing them now, he felt as if all along, it was with Atsumu that Hinata was doing everything that Kageyama remembers.

The only thing that makes everything feel real is his muscles memories. The way his fingers twitch when Hinata jumped, the way his brain screams for him to react when seeing Hinata moved. 

But there's a net that stretched between them, reminding Kageyama that he had pulled out of Hinata's gravitational pull. 

Hinata is no longer his sun.

The game is over, but Kageyama had not done yet. He stared at Hinata, who’s now standing on the other side of the court, talking to Miya Atsumu with Bokuto jumping around beside him.

Kageyama could see Atsumu turned his eyes away from Kageyama at the same time he looked at them, only to put all of his attention to the small, bright, amazing Hinata. He saw Atsumu laughed with Hinata, saw the way his hand circled his shoulders and pulled Hinata closer, speaking inaudible words. He heard Hinata boasts about his “cool moves” to Atsumu, in which the blond responds with chuckles and a light kiss to Hinata’s hair. The gesture was so faint that other people wouldn’t realize it, but Kageyama had seen it since they entered the room.

Feeling Kageyama’s eyes on him, Atsumu turned his eyes towards his direction. They were staring at each other for a few seconds before Atsumu's hand squeezed Hinata closer to him as he let out his signature smirk.

Atsumu couldn’t make it clearer and louder. 

Hinata Shouyou is _mine_.

Not Kageyama’s. Now, he is Atsumu’s. 

Kageyama looked up to the sky as Schweiden Adler’s bus departed from the gym, seeing the moon glows like Tsukishima’s blond hair under the light of his dorm’s balcony, and is reminded again of Kahlua and Milk and the way Tsukishima’s wordless judgement is making him uncomfortable.

“Finish the rest,” Tsukishima said as he pushed the bottle closer to Kageyama's direction and raised to his feet. “I need to go back to Kuroo-san.”

Kageyama remembered hating Tsukishima, for bringing up a conversation about Hinata, for leaving him alone after doing so. 

“I thought he’s a dumbass who can’t appreciate Kahlua and Milk.” 

“He’s my dumbass,” Tsukishima said, a tiny smirk on his lips. He must be drunk, cause completely sober Tsukishima wouldn’t say that out loud. Or maybe Kuroo had rubbed off on him and made Tsukishima would. Kageyama doesn't know. He doesn’t care. He’s drunk himself. 

“Hey, King,” Tsukishima called, and Kageyama looked up to meet Tsukishima’s. 

“Call him,” he said. “You won’t know what you lost until you do, and you might not be lucky enough to get a second chance.”

Now, years after his last Kahlua and Milk, Kageyama thinks about a sun-kissed Hinata, who is now shining brighter, soaring higher, and overall making Kageyama proud with how remarkable he is. He thinks about Hinata in black-gold jersey who stares at Atsumu the way he stares at Kageyama back in high school; full of adoration and trust. Kageyama longed for that, and at some point in his life, he would give up everything to have it back. But he had spent many years building walls around memories of Hinata. He had spent many years being miserable while trying to stop wondering why Hinata chose to fly 12 hours to the past to be better at Volleyball. Kageyama had practised so hard to be a number one setter that could toss to just about anyone, not just to Hinata. 

He had tried so hard to outgrow his love for Hinata. He doesn't want to throw his efforts away now out of nostalgia.

Kageyama felt that there’s a light squeeze in his heart, similar to the feeling when he left his parents’ house to set off on his own. It was heartbreaking, to know that he would leave anything that was familiar to him, but at the same time, understanding and accepting that though he’s leaving the comfort of his home, he’s making his own way, building his own life.

Just like the other crow, he would soar higher.

He let himself think about Hinata for the last time (and ugh, _Miya Atsumu_ ). He thinks that maybe one of these days he could toss again for Hinata, just for old time’s sake. He thought that Hinata wouldn’t mind, but Atsumu, with how selfish he is, would mind very much and do everything in his power to prevent that.

But Kageyama smiled anyway, knowing that one of these days, they would cross paths again and Hinata would pester Atsumu to let Kageyama toss for him until the blond just succumbs to his wish. Hinata always has his way with people. Kageyama knows because he had been there in Atsumu’s place. 

And Kageyama also knows that when that day comes, he would finally be happy for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst. I hope it does justice for my cinnamon roll Tobio-kun.

**Author's Note:**

> there, please accept my humble offering to keep the AtsuHina ship sailing. 
> 
> I also have the epilogue to explain Kageyama's side of the story, but my friend says that I'm being cruel to our beloved cinnamon roll Tobio and I could potentially trigger shipwar. As a KageHina stan, I do not want to trigger any shipwar.


End file.
